world’s coolest toys pt. 1: ghost of capt. kidd

I collect old toys. I should say I used to collect old toys. I no longer have the disposable income I once did. To tell the truth, I never really had the disposable income and yet I would collect old toys.
Not just any old toys, I collected the toys that I or a friend or relative had when I was a child. I used to say that I was buying back my childhood. One toy at a time.

There is one toy, however, foolishly given up in my youth, that has eluded my ability to buy back. It’s an action figure that was put out by Matchbox Toys. It was part of their “Fighting Furies” pirate series and he was called the Ghost of Capt. Kidd.

In 1975, when I was ten years-old, I was looking through the Sears Christmas catalog, something every kid must have done in those days, when I spotted him. There he was, the Ghost of Capt. Kidd. He was pictured with two or three other pirate figures, but I didn’t care about them. I wanted the ghost.

I saved up my allowance money and, when I had enough, my mom ordered it for me. I don’t remember how long I waited, but I’m sure it felt like weeks and weeks.

When the fairly plain and unassuming package arrived, I was beside myself with excitement. It was worth the wait, because it was such a great toy. It had a button on its side that you could push to simulate sword fighting. And though it was a bit smaller than my Johnny West and GI Joe, it had a feature that they didn’t. It could glow in the dark!

To this day, kids dig just about anything if it glows in the dark. Matchbox had the brilliant idea of painting, in pale white, a skull and skeleton on the figure. So, he didn’t just glow, he glowed so you could see his ghostly skeletal structure. It was a very cool and eerie effect.

Glowing in the dark! How cool is that?!

The Captain quickly became one of my favorite toys. I would frequently bring it over to my friend Todd’s house, along with my other action figures, and Todd and I would play with his GI Joe action set and his actions figures for hours.

Once I left the Captain at Todd’s at the end of one of our adventures. I had to go home. I think Todd may have asked me to leave the Captain, so he could play with it some more. Todd was very good to his toys, so I wasn’t too worried about him having one of mine for a while longer. The only thing is is his family then went on vacation. They would be gone for at least a week and I’d be damned if I would be without such a favored toy for so long.

I hatched a plan.

Todd’s house had an attached garage which led to their basement. I knew that his family never locked the garage door (those were the days). My plan was simple: I would head over to his house, open the garage door just enough for me to crawl under, go in, and get my toy.

I’m certain the statute of limitations has long since past, so I can tell you now. My plan worked like a charm. I retrieved my toy and no one was the wiser. I don’t think Todd ever knew I’d broken into his house. And I was single-minded. There was no taking of any of his toys or comic books, no stealing money, no going through his older sister’s underwear drawer (Come on! I was only ten!). I was there for the Captain and that’s all I took.

The Shroud of Turin?

As with so many of the other toys of my youth, the Ghost of Capt. Kidd went away. No doubt, sold at a garage sale. How I have grown to regret giving him up.

I’ve never been able to get him back. I’ve seen him on eBay a couple of times and once came close to getting him, but, at the last moment, someone swiped him away from me. Now my money is needed for more mundane things. You know, food, clothing, mortgage. Nothing so exciting as the Ghost of Capt. Kidd.

I just called Mattel and asked if they’d consider reissuing the Fighting Furies, especially the Captain. Toy companies have been known to reissue toys from time to time.

They might. Pirates are so hot right now… in Somalia.

the 80s’ top ten saddest songs by the replacements

You may not be aware of it, but there is a pretty entertaining podcast and blog called Stuck in the 80s. As the title suggests, they pretty much cover everything in the 1980s. Well, except television and politics. The hosts are Steve Spears and Sean Daly and they are very fun. There have been other co-hosts with them over the years, but Steve and Sean are the main duo.

Sometime back, Stuck in the 80s treated us to Sean Daly’s top ten saddest songs of our favorite decade. At least, that’s what I remember the list as being.

I won’t go into my assessment of Sean’s list, but I will say that almost half of the list consisted of songs by or featuring Phil Collins. (Seriously, sometimes it seems these guys think that Phil Collins was the only musical artist of that decade. Well, him and Asia.) Sean’s list inspired me to do a list of my own. My list will feature very emotionally charged songs by just one artist; 80s critics’ darlings, The Replacements.

And you thought I was going to say The Smiths.

The Replacements were lead by one of the 80s’ (and all time, for that matter) finest songwriters, Paul Westerberg. Paul’s lyrics could funny, irreverent, and gut-wrenching. He certainly wore his heart on his sleeve. A fact he acknowledges on his first official solo album, 14 Songs, in the song ‘First Glimmer’.

Maybe these songs aren’t all sad, per se, but they are powerful, poignant works of musical art.

And none of them feature Phil Collins.

10) Johnny’s Gonna Die (Sorry, Ma, Forgot to Take Out the Trash)

A song about knowing your hero is a flawed human being destined for disaster. In this case, it’s about Paul’s hero, Johnny Thunders. Johnny died of a drug overdose in 1991.

“Johnny wants something what he ain’t got”

9) Answering Machine (Let It Be)

This is a song of the frustrations of attempting to achieve true connections to another person.

“How do I say ‘I’m lonely’ to/ An answering machine?”

8) Sixteen Blue (Let It Be)

I think every high school age boy should thank Paul for understanding and getting it right. This song can be considered the boys’ version of Janis Ian’s ‘At Seventeen’.

“I don’t understand/ Tell my friends I’m doin’ fine”

7) The Ledge (Pleased to Meet Me)

I love the sound of the guitars on this song. A song about a young man, standing on the ledge of a tall building, finally getting the attention he’s craved all his life only when he’s decided to kill himself. And, at the end of the song… he jumps.

“I’m the boy they can’t ignore/ For the first time in my life, I’m sure”

6) Skyway (Pleased to Meet Me)

A song about a love that seems as though it will never be fulfilled, fate keeps him away from the object of his desire.

“There wasn’t a damn thing I could do or say/ Up in the skyway”

5) Sadly Beautiful (All Shook Down)

Technically, this isn’t a 80s song (All Shook Down was released in 1990) and All Shook Down could be considered Westerberg’s unofficial first solo album, had the label not insisted on releasing it as a Replacements’ album. The song is just too damn good to leave off the list, so I’m grandfathering it in.

For me, the song voices the deeply felt regret that life goes by so fast and the joy of having lived at all. In every way, this song lives up to its title.

“Had no chance at all to let you know/ You left me sadly, beautiful”

4) Within Your Reach (Hootenanny)

The line I site says it better than anything I could write here.

“Live without your touch/ If I die within your reach”

3) Achin’ To Be (Don’t Tell a Soul)

Here we have the frustration of wanting to be loved and truly understood, and trying so hard, but still failing.

“If no one’s on your canvas/ Well, I’m achin’ to be”

2) Here Comes A Regular (Tim)

Anyone who has spent an appreciable amount of time drowning their sorrows at the local watering hole will feel a chord struck with this song.

“All I know is I’m sick of everything that my money can buy/ A fool will waste his life, God rest his guts”

1) Unsatisfied (Let It Be)

This is an anthem for anyone who has ever been mad as hell, and I guess that would be everyone.

“Look me in the eye/ Then tell me/ That I’m satisfied/ Are you satisfied?”

You can check out the Stuck in the 80s blog and find out how to download their podcast at http://blogs.tampabay.com/80s You may find a comment or two from me, I go by Dr. Dim.

concert memoirs pt. 46 – urban guerrillas

Urban Guerrillas (Minneapolis band)

This is it. The last installment of my concert memoirs. I’m ending it with the band I had seen the most of any band I’ve ever seen, the Urban Guerrillas.

The Urban Guerrillas are among the most local of all the local bands I’ve seen. I mean that they didn’t get much national attention. I know they toured around the States, but I think they were more of a Twin Cities phenomenon. But that doesn’t mean they weren’t any good. (I have a memory of them being named Best New Band in the City Pages’ Best of the Twin Cities at some point in the 80s, but I can’t confirm it.)

The band photo (above) comes from the cover of their second album, ‘The Attack of the Pink Heat Seeking Moisture Missiles’. (The title was lifted from a Robin Williams’ bit.) I had to scan the album cover, because I just can’t find any images of the band anywhere online. So, I scanned the cover and put this image together. I made sure to include the picture of Pres. Reagan. I came to think of him as sort of an honorary member of the band. Him and his running mate… Ronald McDonald!

This is the custom art card that came with the cassette of one of the band’s live shows at First Avenue. The cassette is titled ‘Armenian Heat Wave Dance Party’ and it was a very limited release.

Playing a fun mixture of punk, reggae, ska, blues, and I don’t know what else (it’s so hard to categorize these guys), their shows were always entertaining. They had a core of fans that would show up for most shows and have the best time. It was at the Urban Guerrilla shows that John and I learned how to properly slam dance.

Larry Sahagian was the focal point of the band and he was a good front man. He really enjoyed playing and partying. He would often invite audience members to the after parties, wherever they were. John and I never went to any.

Their songs were often times political and sexual. Not always at the same time. Once they were booked to play a dance at a local high school and they stirred a bit of controversy. Their lyrics could be very graphic and when Larry started singing about four-lettering his mother the school principal pulled the plug. The whole incident got a quite a bit of local news attention. Those naughty boys!

There was also an occurrence common to many of the Urban Guerrillas’ shows. Sahagian was never too worried about presenting the bisexual side of his nature during the shows. (I don’t know if Larry is gay, bi or straight and I don’t care. His stage persona suggested he was bi.) He wasn’t on the make for the girls and boys at the shows, he just had that personality. This personality would sometimes make an audience member or two a little uncomfortable. Sometimes Larry would be called “fag” or some such. Larry would usually turn it around on these guys. He’d say, “Does that mean you want to sleep with me?”

As I said, I’ve seen them many times in many places. Here are a few highlights…

1) Music Island, St. Paul

In St. Paul there used to be a nightclub called Music Island. It was a pretty lame club and it is no more. It became a Best Buy or something.

One night they had the Guerrillas play. I don’t think the Guerrillas were the sort of band they normally booked, because they seemed completely unprepared for the slam dancing that took place at the show. So, when the punkish fans began slam dancing, the bouncers thought it was a fight and they went in to break it up. Larry tried to explain that the fans weren’t fighting, they were dancing. I remember fans yelling at the bouncers about the same thing. But I think the bouncers won, I can’t remember for sure.

2) Duffy’s (?), Minneapolis

I don’t remember if it was Duffy’s, but I’m sure it was the club that became Norma Jean’s. This show was the last concert at the club before it was to shut down and then reopened as Norma Jean’s, that’s what I remember.

John and I headed down there and met up with some of my art school buddies to take in this last show at the club. The Guerrillas were entertaining as always. However, I think the turnout was pretty small.

The atmosphere was loose as it most always is at a Urban Guerrillas concert. That’s just the way the band liked it. Larry wanted to get high, so he asked if anyone had some pot. Of course, someone did. They brought it up to him, but Larry didn’t want to get the club in trouble so he went outside to smoke it.

There was an outdoor access near the stage, so he took the joint and his microphone outside. The band continued to play while Larry toked away. He would give us the play-by-play and, in his languid manner, would say, “I’m getting high now.”

Larry was quite the showman.

3) The Cabooze, Minneapolis

John and I had seen these guys many, many times at the Cabooze. This night, however, would be a little out of the ordinary. Something would go wrong.

I don’t recall how it started, but an argument broke out between Larry Sagahian and the drummer, John Hewitt, that brought the show to a halt. John was not happy. Words were exchanged and he got up from behind the drums and walked out of the club. I can still picture him walking away angrily.

Now drummerless, the band tried to carry on with the rest of the show, but the air had been sucked out of the room. The argument was pretty entertaining, though.

4) First Avenue, Minneapolis

A little background on me is needed for this part. I was never much of a ladies’ man. They just seemed to only want to be friends. I didn’t ever really try either, so I was mostly to blame.

I would get a little morose from time to time, lamenting on my loneliness. And one particular night in my art school years, I went out to First Avenue with several of my friends from school. It wasn’t a concert night, so I wasn’t expecting a show.

While hanging out with my art school friends that night, I noticed that I was the only single of the group. I was the fifth wheel, again! This sent me into a bit of a pity party and I began to mope around a bit. I withdrew from my friends and began to wander around the club.

Then the unexpected happened. The screen over the stage began to lift and there they were, the Urban Guerrillas! I had no idea they’d be there. I was thrilled and immediately took to the dance floor.

I danced and danced and I didn’t feel so alone anymore. I even joined in when Larry had everyone lay on the floor. It was one of only two or three times I’d actually laid on the floor at First Avenue.

It turned into a good night.

5) Brian’s Warehouse Loft, St. Paul

Finally, my favorite concert memory of the Urban Guerrillas. It took place at a private party in a warehouse in St. Paul.

Brian was a fellow art student and he had some really good parties at his place. He usually managed to get a big role of butcher paper for the party goers to doodle on. That was always fun to do and it was great when Brian would bring the results to school. We were a clever bunch of doodlers.

For one party, Brian booked the Guerrillas. It was a blast. Dancing right there with the band. They played well into the night and we all had a great time. Well, I did, at least.

“Four o’clock! Stop the bus! Get out in the street and jam!!”


There you have it. The series has now come to an end. I started it nearly a year ago and it has been good to walk through my memories. I wish I had kept a concert journal, but I’m glad for what I can remember.

A short list of bands I’ve seen, but didn’t cover in the series. I just don’t have enough memory of the shows:

The Phones
Idiot Savant
TVBC
The Screaming Tribesmen
Man-Sized Action
The Whole Lotta Loves

There have been others, I just can’t remember them.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this series and that it may have sparked a memory or two for you.

concert memoirs pt. 45 – cold side bands

I have mentioned a few times through this series that I used to work at Cold Side Silkscreening ( http://www.coldside.com ). Cold Side has been printing t-shirts in the warehouse district of Minneapolis since 1976. It’s been seriously struggling over the last few years and is in danger of going under.


It’s a pity because the two men who own it are decent fellows who try to do well by their employees. They’ve never been the best businessmen, but they’ve tried. I’ll do a separate blog on Cold Side soon.

Over the years, Cold Side employed many people who were in bands. I’m not sure why, but Cold Side just seemed to attract the musically inclined. A partial list of the local bands with members who have worked at Cold Side: The Yoleus, TV Sound, All the Pretty Horses, Guzzard, Charlie Don’t Surf, Dander, Grand 80, Sic Bay, and The Murderers. There are more, but you get the idea.

It’s possible that you might have heard of one or two of them, but probably not most of them. I will elaborate on those bands which I have actually seen play…

Three-Way Grady

This band featured former Cold Sider Dave Erb (pictured above with his current band The Yoleus). Dave worked in the office when I first started in the art department. Dave was such a mild-mannered person that it took me by surprise to learn he was in a band. He just didn’t seem the type. However, he is an excellent guitarist. He’s even on my list of my all-time favorites.

Dave’s band mates were Bill and Moira Beeman. Bill had previously been in the band Vertigo, which was on the Amphetamine Reptile label. Bill may have worked at Cold Side, but I’m not sure. Bill’s brother Tom did work at Cold Side and he was in the band Guzzard, also on the Am. Rep. label.

The name Three-Way Grady came from another former Cold Sider. The band members asked him if he could come up with a name for the band. He presented them with a list of possibles and they picked Three-Way Grady.

So, I ventured out to First Avenue to see the band play the Entry. I was quite surprised when quiet, unassuming, mild-mannered Dave began shouting out the lyrics to the first rocker of their set. Bill did most of the vocals, but Dave kicked off the night singing the first song.

Three-Way Grady produced a few DIY singles and tapes, played a few gigs and then broke up. Dave went on to another band called Sic Bay. They were a more experimental rock band that got voted Best New Band in the City Pages’ annual Best of the Twin Cities edition in 2004 or 2005 or 2006, I forget. Shortly after receiving that accolade, Sic Bay broke up.

Dave is now performing with an instrumental band called The Yoleus and in another sort of band called Crawdad Creek. Crawdad Creek is the “band” that I play lousy rhythm guitar for and I will talk more about them in a later blog.

Check out The Yoleus at http://www.myspace.com/theyoleus

Grand 80

This was former Cold Sider Mark Howard’s band. It was a two piece band when Amy and I saw them. Mark was guitar, keyboards and vocals with his friend playing bass. They played with a tape filling the rest of their sound.

They played a kind of space age Gothic electronica thing with a little 80’s new wave pop thrown in. They wore spacesuits (sort of) and makeup to give an otherworldly effect. Mark also used the special effect of putting a firework in a gap behind the strings on his guitar. It was similar to a firecracker, but, instead of exploding, it would flash and smoke. So, at the proper moment, Mark would light the fuse and wow the crowd with the cheap effect. Cheesy but cool.

Mark had previously been in a couple other local bands of note: Charlie Don’t Surf and Manplanet. He is now performing and recording as Mach FoX. (The photo is of Mach FoX and the fellows are wearing shirts I designed for them.)

Check out Mach FoX at http://www.myspace.com/machfox

Dander

Dander might just be my favorite of the Cold Side bands. They have a strong Pixies influence and are very entertaining in concert. Amy and I have seen them three or four times. Most at the Terminal Bar in Minneapolis or at the Uptown Bar, also in Minneapolis.

Shane the Pain (his stage name) used to work at Cold Side as a lowly shirt folder/counter. He was liked by everyone in the shop and the guys just took to calling him Dander, but he was such a tweaker in those days that had great difficulty doing the easiest task in the shop. He didn’t last long.

Check out Dander at http://www.myspace.com/dander

All The Pretty Horses

This is another band that Amy and I saw at more then one location. We’ve seen them at the Terminal Bar, at some art warehouse party event and other places. We were even both in attendance at Ryan’s Corner in St. Paul to watch the band in the days before Amy and I ever met.

All The Pretty Horses could best be described as a loud, theatrical, gender-bending, Glam/Goth rock band. Venus, the leader of the band, is especially intriguing in his/her bending of gender norms. He was born male and still has the plumbing, but he also has a nice pair of A cup breasts. Lee Ann MacDougall, who was the Cold Side connection to the band, would never disclose how he/she got them.

Lee Ann played bass and did some backing vocals. She is the woman with the dreadlocks on the right in the above photo. She left the band in less than pleasant circumstances that I won’t discuss here.

Lee Ann was also involved in bands such as Firebrand, Metro Division, and Jehovah’s Shitlist (I love that name.). I don’t think she’s involved in any bands at the moment, but she is still slaving away at Cold Side.

You can check out All The Pretty Horses at http://www.myspace.com/atph

The Murderers

The Murderers were originally from Indiana and, from what I recall, they were pretty big in the Gary, Indiana punk scene. They migrated to Minneapolis and, at one point, three of its members worked at Cold Side. They are pictured above. From the left they are Blake Conway, Dennis Degenerate (That was his band name. I tried to convince him to drop Degenerate and go with his real name, Burns. I thought that was punk enough and didn’t seem silly. He didn’t listen to me.), and, the incomparable, Bob Murderer. The other two fellows did not work at Cold Side, so screw ’em.

Dennis and Blake were printers and Bob was Cold Side’s resident drunken shirt folder/counter. Bob was pretty hopeless as a shirt folder/counter, but Dennis and Blake were good printers, especially Blake. None are working for Cold Side at present. Blake was just recently laid off.

The band was a blast from 1977 with their British-style punk rock. Fast and furious. They were pretty fun and the young punks slammed their hearts out to them.

Bob handled most of the lead vocals. I have a picture of him playing bass that should pretty much give you the idea of his punk cred. He’s from New Hampshire, but he sounds like he’s from no place on Earth. His accent is so thick at times it is virtually impossible to understand him. Think of Brad Pitt’s character in ‘Snatch’, that’s pretty close. Bob is also deaf as a post and drunk nearly all the time.

Bob Murderer

The Murderers are no more. Punk is dead.

concert memoirs pt. 44 – gang of four & wire

Gang of Four with John and David at First Avenue.

John and I had discovered Gang of Four when we watched the concert movie ‘Urgh! A Music War’. It is a great film with a lot of great bands, including The Police, The Fleshtones, The Cramps, Oingo Boingo, Wall of Voodoo, XTC and many others. It was released in 1982 and I have it on video, but from what I can tell it isn’t available anymore. That’s a damn shame.

One of the really stand out acts was Gang of Four. They had such a strong stage presence. The way Andy Gill played guitar was mesmerizing. After watching the film, John and I agreed Gang of Four was worth checking out. John soon picked up their first two albums and we were astounded.

It took many years, but we finally got the chance to see the band live. It was late 1995 or early 1996 at First Avenue. And for cheap! I think I paid $4.00 at the door. If I would have remembered to bring along a Club 241 comp. ticket, I would have gotten in for free. Club 241 was what Club Degenerate had degenerated into. Most often just dance nights with the occasional concert.

At the time, I was working nights doing janitorial work (I went to art school for three years to become a janitor, oh well.). I was cleaning the service area of a St. Paul car dealership that night and I was hauling ass to get done.

I finished up and high tailed it the disco for the show. David and John were there when I arrived. They remembered their comp. tickets and got in for free. Jerks!

This was a really excellent show. The three of us were right down front to witness Jon King and Andy Gill up close. They put on quite a show. Andy Gill is one of my all-time favorite guitarist and it was a gas to watch him play.

They played a good mix of their stuff, old and new. I had purchased their latest album, ‘Shrinkwrapped’, so I was familiar with those songs, which were very good. ‘Shrinkwrapped’ is a much better album then their previous release, ‘Mall’. ‘Mall’ had a couple of good tunes, but overall I thought it a weak effort from an otherwise great band.

The band sounded great and I was pogoing like a crazy person. And when they played ‘Anthrax’ off their first album, the brilliant ‘Entertainment’, I was overwhelmed by the wall of feedback that Andy produced. At one point of the song, Andy dropped his guitar to the stage and kicked it sliding across the stage to Jon King. Jon then kicked it back. The noise was beautiful, man, beautiful!

Wire w/Peaches & Gonzales at First Avenue with Amy, John, Dave & Rosemary.

This is probably the last concert I’ve seen at First Avenue (maybe anywhere). If it was then it is also the last time I’ve been to my old haunt. John has continued to visit the club, but I had gotten married in 2001 and a child would arrive in August 2003, so I dropped out of the concert thing. Now, I don’t want to sound like I’m blaming my wife and kid for this, because I had long since begun losing my interest in going to concerts.

Amy and I met John there. We hung out at the bar straight back from the stage and chatted while the awful Peaches & Gonzales stunk up the stage. They were doing some arty sex songs that just didn’t do anything for us. I got the impression that they thought what they were doing was art.

Well, their art sucked.

I realize Wire can be considered an arty farty band. Hell, I never knew what they’re singing about, but that never bothered me. Their songs are so cool. Have you ever heard ‘Ahead’ off their great album ‘The Ideal Copy’? It just may be the coolest song ever.

John realized that Amy and I weren’t interested in getting down front to see the band. We had had our fill with dealing with the audiences at these shows. John excused himself and went off to find a spot close to the stage. Amy and I stayed right where we were.

We were soon joined by our friends, Dave and Rosemary. They are friends from our Cold Side days. I met Dave when I started working at Cold Side. He was in the office and I was in the art department. Dave soon found a better job and left Cold Side, but we kept in touch.

While Dave was still at Cold Side, I learned that he was quite a guitarist. He’s damn good. He and Richard (another Cold Sider) convinced me to get together with them to play “music”. I play a rather lousy rhythm guitar, but I consented and the three of us have been getting together somewhat regularly ever since. It’s been ten years now and I still play lousy.

Anyway, he and his wife, Rosemary, joined us and we stayed at the back of the bar. We chatted a little and watched the band play.

Wire’s new material at the time was angrier then we had heard from them in a long while. In fact, John remarked on that after the show. He said he preferred their less angry stuff from their ‘Ideal Copy’ and ‘A Bell is a Cup…’ days. I tend to agree, but it was cool to watch the old punkers tear it up.