It’s the middle of August! What the hell?!
It’s as if that holiday wants to usurp the rest of the year. It’s had control of Thanksgiving for practically forever, but it’s not content with that. Oh, no. It’s been hounding Halloween (the year’s best holiday) for sometime, as well. Now it’s the middle of August. Christmas wants Labor Day and Back-to-School, too!
Mark my words. Next it will be turning the old “Christmas in July” sales to ads for the coming Christmas aired in July. Where will it end? The day after the day after Christmas?
There ought to be a law. No Christmas ads on radio and television, no Christmas products in stores, and no Christmas music played until after Halloween at the very earliest. And no Salvation Army bell ringers outside any stores or on any corners ever. (That bit is just for me.)
I blame Bill O’Reilly.
Some unusual occurrences happened this past Thursday. One was downright disturbing. The other two were delightful.
When I returned home from the day job an albino squirrel and a parakeet were hanging around our bird feeder. I’d seen the squirrel around the neighborhood before, but I think this was the first time seeing it in our yard.
The parakeet was strange to see. They ain’t indigenous to Minnesota, dontcha knOHw. Obviously, a neighbor had their bird escape or they let it out on purpose. Either way, it was a surprising sight.
But, around 10:30 that night I was watching World At War on the DVD when I heard a man talking somewhat loudly outside. I didn’t do much more investigating than to pause the war and listen. I couldn’t tell what he was saying or even if he was mad or just talking loudly. Then came the noise of a fast moving car and a series of quick popping sounds. Gunshots? Firecrackers?
I wasn’t sure. I waited a moment or two and went out to investigate. One neighbor was outside. He didn’t know what happened, but he thought it sounded like gunshots. Well, there were no shell casing, no shot out car or house windows, no people with bullet holes in them, and no police came. In fact, other than the one neighbor, there was nobody around.
I didn’t call the police. I should have, but I wouldn’t have been able to tell them much.
As happenstance would have it, I was able to ask a police officer about the event the next day. He told me there had been no calls about gunshots in that area the night before. He asked if I have called it in. I felt shame as I explained that I hadn’t. He told me that I should have called it in even if I didn’t have a lot of information. They would have checked it out.
I told him I would if I ever heard something like that again. He pepper-sprayed me, tazed me, beat the crap out of me, wished me a good evening, and went on his way. (Not all of the actions of the preceding sentence actually happened.)
Of Moles And Feet
Anyway, my regular doctor thought I should have a dermatologist take an expert look at my moles, so an appointment was set. Turns out it was a woman dermatologist. I have nothing against women doctors, at all. She was just going to be the first woman doctor to have ever seen me with most of my clothes off.
This was a new experience for me. Not many people, women especially, have seen me with any clothes off, let alone most of them or, no god/s forbid, no clothes at all. But she was a professional just as I expected her to be. She didn’t even laugh at my painted toenails.
Oh, yeah. My painted toenails. I’m not sure if I had ever brought it up on the show before, but I have painted toenails. Sometimes I just like to feel pretty. No, that’s just a joke.
I’ve often annoyed my wife with my mentioning I have good looking feet. They are. I’ve been told that about twenty years ago by a friend’s now ex-wife. My wife has said she like to have a talk with that woman and admonish her from saying such a ting to me. Because she’s got to keep listening to me say how nice looking are my feet.
But that’s not why there is nail polish on them. No, it is a grand tradition in my house. Each Fourth of July my wife paints my toenails. It’s not to cover up nasty toenails or whatever. It was just a lark and it has stuck as a way to celebrate our nation’s birth. This long standing tradition goes all the way back to about three or four Fourth of Julys (or is that Fourths of July or Fourths of Julys?) ago.
I do turn it into a kind of observational experiment to see how long it takes for all the nail polish to disappear, either by wearing off or growing off. Each year it has taken until January for the last remnants to disappear.
So, I decided to pose nude on the internet and expose my good looking feet. This as naked as you’ll ever see me. Enjoy:
|Can you say foot model? Yep, that’s what’s left of the Fourth of July polish.|
I’ve been through this before with the full moon not really making emergency rooms busier or people more active. It’s just confirmation bias kicking in. It happens to be a crazy night and there’s a full moon, so people blame the moon. But they forget all those crazy nights when the moon wasn’t full.
Ed McMahon thought it was because the full moon’s gravitational pull was greater than that of non-full moons.
Uh, Ed, the moon is always full.
And Hillary Clinton is not having a seizure in this video:
|The Weinstein Company|
If you’re a fan of Duran Duran, The Jam, and The Cure, you might like this one a lot!
Music heard on the show…
First ad break bumpers: ‘Bonzo Goes To Bitburg‘ by Ramones & ‘Unfinished Business‘ by Au Pairs
That’s it! See you next Saturday night for Dimland Radio 11 Central, midnight Eastern on www.ztalkradio.com you can also download my show from the z talk show archives page. You can email your questions and comments to email@example.com
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