I Don’t Believe The Universe Wanted Me To Find The Perfect Line
I believe in randomness and coincidence. There are those who see a significant connection in just about everything. They think the universe has a plan. Or their god has a plan. That may be, but I don’t see any strong evidence for it. The evidence there is is based on feelings. Well, that’s not good enough.
So, when I randomly picked the perfect book to use for a brand new meme going around social media, it was a great coincidence. That’s all.
The new meme sensation is the “And then the murders began” phenomenon. Author Marc Laidlaw (I mistakenly called him Eric Laidlaw on the show) twittered in early March of this year that “the first line of almost any story can be improved by making sure the second line is, ‘And then the murders began.'” I saw that on the Facebook and took up the challenge.
I thought a children’s chapter book would be funny. The first book to come to my mind was Charlotte’s Web. I’d never read the book. I was familiar with the story from seeing the animated film from 1973, but I had no idea what the first line of the book was.
I looked it up and what I found couldn’t have worked any better.
“‘Where’s Papa going with that ax?’ said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast. And then the murders began.”
Perfect! Got it in one try!
I Have A Listener!
Well, I have a handful of listeners, but I pretty much know all of them. They’re people I have some kind of affiliation with and they listen to the show. The other day, however, someone I don’t know sent a message to Dimland Radio. He was suggesting I make a t-shirt design based on one of my show ID sounders. The one in which I pretend to be shaken by an extraordinary EVP (electronic voice phenomena – the audio anomalies ghost hunters think are communications from the dead). The EVP says one thing, but I say it says, “Bread trout.”
This listener suggested I draw a bread trout and put it on a shirt with the Dimland Radio logo. It’s an intriguing idea. And drawing a bread trout would be a good challenge.
Hollywood (And Lots Of People Including Me) Likes ‘Em Shaved
Shaved legs and armpits on women specifically, I mean. I didn’t talk about other parts of women that might or might not be shaved.
This came up because there was some objection to the fact that Gal Godot, the new Wonder Woman, clearly has shaved armpits in the trailer for the soon to be released DC super-hero movie. Some of the outcry stems from pedantry: Why would an Amazon shave her armpits? Much more of it comes from decrying the patriarchy.
Well, I must confess I like the look of a woman with shaved legs and armpits. I guess I’m part of the patriarchy.
I noted that having women shaved in otherwise preposterous situations goes way back in Hollywood. Of course, so does the patriarchy. I gave the examples of Raquel Welch in One Million Years BC (1966) and Linda Harrison in The Planet of the Apes (1968). Both were playing essentially cave women and both were way too hairless to be true to life.
I also mentioned women weren’t the only ones Hollywood made shave off body hair. William Holden, a man crush of mine, can be seen shirtless throughout much of the David Lean classic The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957). He’s also very hairless. Legs, armpits, chest, and back are as smooth as can be.
|So smooth and glistening!
If you watch the Billy Wilder classic Stalag 17 (1953), you won’t get to see Holden shirtless (pity), but you will get to see a fair amount of chest hair peeking out from under the collar of his undershirt. Interesting. I’ve also found images of a shirtless and hairy William Holden on the internets.
|What that stuff coming up from under his collar?
From what I can tell Holden had to shave his chest for at least two other films he was in: Picnic (1955) and Love is a Many-Splendored Thing (1955). For some reason Hollywood wanted him body-hairless for those roles.
An Example Of How Bad Memory Is And How I Might Have Been The Dick
I told the story of the time the DEA came into the building in which I was working and searched one of the loft apartments. It’s quite a tale that I won’t get into here. I’ll just say that the office manager at the time had nothing to do with witnessing the three DEA agents who did the searching.
He saw nothing. He was busy with customers. Dave, one of the fellows in the shop, and I saw those three men. We had no idea they were DEA. Dave and I stayed after work to tell the police what we saw as one of the tenants in the that apartment thought he’d been burgled. We found out the three dudes were DEA days after the event and that they were searching for evidence against the tenant’s roommate.
Years later, I would hear the office manager recount the tale to customers. He told the story as though he saw the men. And he saw them sneaking up the stairs. He saw their shirts with “DEA” on the back.
No, he didn’t. He was busy doing other stuff.
One day he started to tell me the story. I shot him down. He hadn’t seen anything. Dave and I saw the men. And we didn’t know about the DEA thing until, at least, a couple days after the event.
The office manager wasn’t happy that I shut him down so bluntly. But I thought he was being a self-aggrandizing dick by making the event about him. What a dick! So, when I got the chance I took it and told him he wasn’t there. Ha!
That was several years ago. Since then I have learned that human memory is not good. It’s very unreliable. Memories change over time and it’s very human to incorporate someone else’s memories as your own. I learned that it was very possible, even likely, that the office manager wasn’t being a dick by putting himself in the story. He probably really did remember the event that way.
I might have been the one being a dick the way I shot him down. I could have handled that situation much better.
Movie Recommendation: None
I didn’t specifically talk about a movie recommendation, but you could watch The Bridge on the River Kwai or Stalag 17 or both. They are excellent.
Music heard on the show…
That’s it! See you next Saturday night for Dimland Radio 11 Central, midnight Eastern on www.ztalkradio.com you can also download my show from the z talk show archives page. You can email your questions and comments to firstname.lastname@example.org
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